There were times when I was not sure what my purpose in life was. Some people knew when they were very young what they were destined to be. They seemed to be very aware of what their inner voices were telling them. I don’t know whether or not if that is the norm. I know that it was not until my mid- twenties that I began to ask myself these questions.  During this time I read many self-help books. I also explored many religions. All this was done to try and pin point the direction I should be moving in. I learned many things.

I even tried to see if I could take my mind to a super natural level through the use of drugs and alcohol. This practice didn’t work because the use of these things only sent my mind into the area of darkness and confusion.

I got the first hint of what my role was to be was after my first son was born. I remember that day in June like it was yesterday. My wife had been in labor for over 20 hours. By the time he was born we were both exhausted, although she was doing all of the hard work.  What made it very frustrating was watching how quickly all the other mothers and fathers were giving birth.

It was around the 28^th hour that I stepped away to go outside to smoke a cigarette. I just needed to get my mind clear. When I returned I was greeted by one of the nurses who told me that my wife had given birth and that it was a boy.  They let me hold him but I could that only for a short time. I gave him back to the nurse because I was so nervous I thought I would drop him. My wife and I felt we were very blessed with the fact that we had a healthy child and we checked. We were very relieved to see that this baby boy had ten fingers and ten toes.

I went back to our apartment to get some things that she would need for her hospital stay. They let her stay there in the hospital for almost a week. (This was much different with the birth of our second son. Times had changed in ten years. It seemed that the hospital did the ten fingers and ten toes thing. They made sure both mother and son were OK and then they kicked them out.)

I could not wait to tell my buddies the good news. I stopped along the way to buy a bottle of something .That was how my mind worked at that time. I was looking for a super natural feeling. We had our celebratory drinks and I went home to get ready for his arrival.  Since I was home alone for a week, I had a lot time to do my own celebration.

Just before we were to bring our bundle of joy home, someone from the electric company had turned off our lights off. My first thought was how I am going to bring this newborn home to a dark apartment. My second thought was to question how this could have happened. I faintly remember my wife telling me, no ordering me to pay that bill.  I could have easily done the honorable thing and blamed “the white man” for causing all my problems but, it became clear who the culprit was. It was the guy who was picking up those bottles on the floor. Maybe he should have spent that money on something other than celebrating.

I don’t remember how it got done but the lights were turned back on and we began this process of raising this little boy. It would also be another 8 years before I would end my devotion to celebrating.

That event made it very clear that I was moving into a new role as a parent.  It was also clear that I was not taking my role very seriously. Since then, I have worked hard to be the best parent I could be.

It wasn’t until just shortly before I began this blog that I began to really understand just how important this role would be in my life. The one person who I swore that I would never be like is the reason why I can perform in this role so comfortably. My dad has showed me a lot.  He has done what his dad had done. I in turn I am doing what my dad did.

That little boy will be 29 years old this year and guess what. He is doing with his two kids (a girl and a boy) what his dad has done.

It is important to view this role as a parent as one of the most important roles that exists in our society today.

I admit that I have made many mistakes along the way. What I try to do is to constantly be aware that being a positive parent is a role that will last me for the rest of my life.

A new role has recently opened up for me. This new position has me looking after my dad and I’m honored to have this role.

I LOVE BEING A DAD!!