\"\"There were times in my experience as a parent when I became very angry with my kids. In most cases this anger was due to them not doing something I wanted them to do.  I\’ve learned over those years that what was most important was how I expressed my anger to them.  I always felt that I should never try to embarrass them, call them names or curse at them.  Every parent learns( or should learn from experience) that these techniques don\’t work.

Let\’s take that time when my 5 year old just continued to throw his toys around.  It seemed that no matter how much I talked to him he insisted that he was in control.  It became more evident that he wasn\’t in control as he moved closer and closer to my HDTV. You know like I know that in this high tech era, life begins and ends on the condition of our HDTV (LOL).

Let\’s take another situation when my 15 year old finds it necessary to remove himself from the grid.  He has a cell phone.  We (my ex wife and I. He lives with her.) try to make sure that he has money in his pocket.  When we finally get him his excuse is usually that his cell battery went dead or he didn\’t hear it or blah blah blah.

My last example involves my 26 Year old.  There is something I need him to do and he is very reluctant to get it done. He\’s a grown man, married with 2 kids of his own.

In each of these situations I\’ve had to learn to talk positively.  By this I mean I don\’t use the tools of embarrassment, name calling or cursing as a means to express my anger.  I do the best I can in as calm a voice as possible ( sometimes I still have to raise my voice) to explain to them what my concerns are and ( here\’s the kicker) get them to give me their opinion on what ever the situation is.  This gives me the opportunity to hear what they have to say and try to sway that opinion in the direction I want or  ( I\’m Mr. Perfect. This hardly happens. LOL) make me realize that maybe I\’m looking at  it the wrong way.

My main goal is to create a dialogue with my kids that is positive and create an environment where we can come together to positively speak to one another. In the case of my 5 year old we agreed that throwing toys is dangerous(for him, me and my HDTV).  In the case of my 15 year old we agreed that the whole purpose of having a cell phone is to use it.  My 26 year old and I are still working on how to resolve his situation.  That\’s OK. It\’s also OK to agree to disagree.  The bottom line is to keep the lines of communication open.  It\’s not necessary to resolve every issue.

Positive speaking is a great tool to use with my kids.  It has given us the opportunity to remain a close family.

I know that topic is important to you.  Leave a comment. I want to know what you think.


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